Just a few more thoughts running around in my head...which I wanted to voice on virtual paper. The recent "clarification" of the new policy of the church has done little to stop the criticism nor the pain created from their handbook change. I have talked to several believing friends about their feelings of the change. Their response has been the church's reason; "the protection of the children". I cannot fathom the pain this policy has caused to children of the LGBT community nor to the parents themselves. Even many believing members are struggling with this change. This policy has been the final straw for many fence sitting members to resign. I understand the struggle to leave the church. It is not easy nor would I wish it on anyone, but I am so happy I did it.
I just wanted to vent about this policy and the new class of member it created. As an apostate, it seems weird and surreal to think that my children can progress and move along in the church but a believing gay person, who is living with his/her spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend cannot. If I didn't resign from the church, I should have been kicked out. It would have been a matter of time. I came to the conclusion that it was all a lie. I ranted and posted things online. I was active on ex-Mormon chat groups and sites. I debated my bishop in his office for over an hour toward the end of my belief. I was becoming more outspoken and vocal about the church and its teachings/policies/doctrine. Considering all this, my kids could still be baptized, ordained to the priesthood, and even be on the records of the church. My gay neighbor, sorry you are out of luck.
I have since gotten to a better spot. I don't feel the anger as I once had. I have "moved on". But I don't think one can totally and completely "move on"....we all can slip back into the anger phase. We are all human. But to be honest I am not angry about this handbook change, only sad by this whole circus. I am married to a beautiful wife who is a complete believer, my children are active and fully participate and believe in the church. We are doing the best we can to navigate my faith change. We have grown as a family and are dancing around the elephant in the room.
The point of this post is to show that if the church was really concerned about the children, they would apply the same policies to my children and their situation. They are hearing that their father, who is not perfect but a good person and father, is wrong, mistaken and lost. I know it has and will continue to confuse them. But the church doesn't apply the same rules and restrictions to my family as it does to my neighbor who is gay. The gay members are a new class of members. The church has created a new caste system. And I, in all my apostate "ness", is on a higher level than my gay friends. I know it all comes down to perspective but the rules should apply to of us fellow apostates.
Salt Lake City, UT