This post may sound more bitter than normal. I have had many emotions lately. I was kind of fed up over the weekend. Sleep was difficult. I just what to air out what I was thinking and feeling over the weekend.
The Mormon church is a toxic organization. It is like an ex spouse that causes rifts between loved ones and poisons their minds. An ex spouse that takes and takes without giving back. It is a cult like organization that keeps control of its members through fear, just like an abusive spouse. It controls marriages and families through authority of local leaders. It has caused my marriage to be a roller coaster relationship. It is in a very unstable place. I have come to conclusion that it is almost impossible to make a mixed religious marriage work. One of the spouses has to change. Dancing around the elephant in the room, eventually someone will get stepped on, causing another marriage casualty.
I hate the Mormon church because no matter what I have done or continue to do in my life by providing for my family, it will never be enough. I hate Mormon church for creating an environment where I am constantly broken, in my wife's eyes. That I can't be trusted. That I am confused, proud, dark, and being led by Satan. I hate the church for teaching my children that, although I was there for my wife and kids during sickness, births, deaths, homework assignments, cooking, cleaning, being up with them during the night, playing, providing a roof over their heads, etc.., I'm still not on the same level spiritually as a complete stranger who sells insurance, because we call him Bishop.
I hate that my teenage son is struggling with confidence and worries about every little thing he has ever done wrong. I hate the church for causing my son to think he was doomed to hell because he thought he denied the Holy Ghost. I hate that my 10 year daughter has to worry about her shoulders showing. I hate the church because I'm made to feel broken and evil. I am an enemy to God. I am never good enough, I can never give enough money, commitment, or time to the God aka the Mormon church.
I hate the Mormon church for the fake relationships it creates in a marriage, neighborhood or community. I hate the church for making me worry about what others think if I don't act or think the same as them. I hate the church for telling me what underwear to wear. I hate the Mormon church for sucking every ounce of compassion out of a person and make them a judgmental, hate filled individual. I hate the Mormon church for causing me to miss out on a relationship with a gay sibling.
I hate the Mormon church for building City Creek, purchasing 2% of Florida, and developing in downtown Philadelphia. I hate the Mormon church for allowing for priest crafts, that GAs sell books for money. I hate the church for creating dynastic leadership families that have gotten fat off the struggles and gifts of others. I hate the church for teaching that if we suffer in this life we will be blessed in the next. I have come to the realization that the only thing my wife and I had in common was the church, now that is gone, our marriage is cordial at best.
I hate the church for excommunicating Kate Kelly for trying to have a discussion. That the leaders won't answer any questions. I hate the Mormon church for attacking John Dehlin. That I was fed lie after lie. That past doctrine and history was hidden from me. I hate the Mormon church for hurting thousands and thousands of people with their teachings. I wish I could leave it alone, it is impossible. It was part of life for over 40 years. I'm still neck deep in it. Members always complain about people attacking the church after they leave, but there is real pain within ex mormons. The Mormon church is like a vampire that sucked the life blood out of them. That is why we can't leave it alone. It is a toxic and abusive spouse. One that just needs to go away.